Happy International Women’s Day

Happy International Women’s Day.

Those of you who know me know that I follow and admire a YouTuber named Noraly, who has a channel called “Itchy Boots.” I want to talk about the message she has brought forward this International Women’s Day. Whether she has done it intentionally or not, it’s something I’ve really learned to appreciate.

If you saw my Facebook story, you’ll notice it reflects memories from the past ten years where I celebrated International Women’s Day. My understanding of this day has changed as my life has changed. I used to equate women’s empowerment with breaking free from mistreatment or sexism I had experienced, almost like rebelling against the patriarchy or the conservative ideas and faith I was raised with. Back then, I felt the role of the man was somehow dominant and that I was expected to be submissive as a wife or woman.

In my early 40s, empowerment meant that I would no longer be controlled or defined by men. But now I’m in my 50s, and I see it differently. Watching Itchy Boots has helped shine a light on that for me.

Noraly rides a motorcycle around the world on her own, relying on her strength and wit when she finds herself in tricky situations. She shows us that women can do incredible things. But she has also shown something else. There are good people in the world, including many good men, who are simply kind and willing to help. Not as knights in shining armour, and not because they see her as a damsel in distress. Just people helping another human in a tough moment.

There was the man in the mountains of Idaho who helped her through a pass because he had a bike and a chainsaw to clear fallen trees. The men in West Africa who helped her navigate the vast desert and pull her bike out of thick mud. In Iran, when a 70 year old man found his grandsons to help her get her bike back up a mountainside when she couldn’t cross a river. In Madagascar, when someone helped guide her. And the villages in West Africa that took her in at nightfall when it was too dangerous for her to continue.

Men and women have shown her kindness all over the world, and much of it is because of the way she presents herself. She is a light. She smiles, she is kind, and she meets people with openness. She’s often stopped by men with machine guns, yet she isn’t intimidated, and most of those interactions end with them wishing her a safe journey and welcoming her to their country.

On the rare occasions when she encounters the darker side of humanity, she holds her own. She isn’t confrontational, but she sets clear boundaries and expects fair treatment.

She’s an inspiration to me in how women can be confident, kind, and believe in ourselves enough to do anything we set our minds to. We are resilient and strong. We can be independent, and there is still room to accept help. There are very kind men in this world, and they are not the reason we need to feel empowered.

For me now, Women’s Day is no longer about breaking free from what I once perceived as mistreatment by men. It’s about understanding that there are good men in the world, kind and genuine men, like my partner Sam. Men who can walk alongside us through life, and it’s okay for them to help us when we’re in the weeds. Their help doesn’t take away from our strength.

I once had a motorcycle named Little Red. It was kick start, and sometimes it was hard to get going. I would try and try, determined not to have Sam start it for me because it felt like a gut punch if I had to be rescued. Like I was weak or less than.

Every time I finally gave in and let him start it, he would easily, and every time I felt smaller.

But what I’m discovering now is that it isn’t weak to accept help. We don’t have to constantly fight against men to prove our strength. Instead, we get to decide how we feel about the moment. We can choose to see it as failure, or we can be grateful that the bike is running and know we’re still badass enough to ride it.

I get to choose how it feels when he starts the bike.

That’s where our power as women lies.

And there’s more. It’s in how we raise our girls to believe in themselves and to choose how others will make them feel. It’s in raising genuine and kind boys. It’s in knowing we are special and beautiful as women without making men the bad guys.

Sure, some people are jerks. But an empowered woman sees through that and doesn’t accept bad behaviour from men or from women.

Being an empowered woman means being confident in who we are. It means prioritizing self care, loving ourselves the way we would our own children, being kind and forgiving while still holding clear and fair boundaries. It means appreciating the kindness and help that people offer and choosing to feel proud of what we do.

This Women’s Day, I hope we can truly celebrate being women while also appreciating the good that exists in the world. Because sometimes, when I read the comments on Facebook, I worry we’re living through a bit of a dumb assery pandemic and that some of those social ranters are actually leading countries.

But then I watch Itchy Boots and remember that there are strong women to look up to.

And that I can be like that too.

Happy

International Women’s Day.